A Mother's Spiritual Diary

Toward union

As an immediate preparation for the full life of union, Conchita receives some remarkable lights about the Trinity.

"There does not exist two nor three but one Only God in three Divine Persons. I understood this most clearly. I saw that it must be so, and that there was a marvelous reason for this. (I do not know whether I explain well what I would like to say).

"The Lord continued: 'There are not three lights, but one only light, eternal and equal in three Divine Persons. The formula God from God, means there is equality. At the same time it also is intended to indicate the same Being communicated to the Word. In a reflection of this eternal hearth of grandeur, of light and of infinite perfections, the Holy Spirit is produced, the terms and, so to say, conclusion of this divine mystery, but not less than the Father and the Son. Nothing, absolutely nothing is lacking to Him, but the Three Persons, equal, in one and the same essence, form but one hearth, one only Being without beginning and end. None of the Persons is anterior or superior to the other, but the eternal Three from the beginning, yes, are eternal and in a truly sublime, admirable communication, which constitutes the felicity of the only God.'

"I explain this in poor human words because there is not - and I think there cannot be - any created language which would be able to express the inexpressible" (Diary, Feb. 2, 1897).

The Infinite Purity of the Trinity

"Today, in church, the Lord has not let me pray nor open my book. As soon as I have received holy communion, He puts me in a state of great recollection, raising my soul up to another atmosphere, far from the earth.

"I have understood, I do not know how, something about God's infinite purity and how, in the eternal generation of the Word, the eternal Father communicates to Him His own substance and essence, the essence of the Father being purity itself. But by this word 'purity', meaning divine transparence, I designate a clarity, a whiteness, a light for which I find no word to express, for all light is darkness in comparison with this divine charity: white seems black and the sun itself is like an inkblot. Oh my God! Oh eternal splendor! How do I explain the inexplicable in human language? Stainless beauty ever ancient and ever new, ineffable splendor one brilliance of which human eyes cannot endure. And I, I saw, or I sensed all this, but in the depths of my soul.

"I saw God the Father (rejoicing eternally in Himself in His infinite perfections, in an ineffable complacence) reproduce Himself with all the ardor of His purity in the Second Divine Person, who is the Word.

"I saw the Word as a perfect and full reflection of the Father, in the eternal transport of this most holy divine Love which exists between the Father and the Son. I saw their bond of light and of love, the Holy Spirit, inseparable from the Father and from the Son, although constituting one distinct person. He followed His orbit, rendering thereby the three Divine Persons perfectly happy. I do not know how to explain this. I grasped everything in an instant, unmeasured in time and indivisible, and yet as three distinctive Divine Persons of the adorable and Most Holy Trinity.

"Oh blessed Trinity! Who then will be able to comprehend You, if by one single ray emanating from Your transparence the soul is wholly absorbed? What then is, yes, what is then Your nature?" (Diary, April 28, 1898).

Intimacy with the living God, with the Father, the Son and the Holy Trinity is characteristic of the life of union. Conchita received eminent graces of this order. That is what the Most Holy Trinity constitutes, the center of her life.

"The Trinity: Center of my Life"

"In the abyss of my misery and counter to my will, my spirit breaks the ties which fix it to the soil of my nothingness, and flees. It rushes toward the divine throne of the Most Holy Trinity as if there was its center and its life, there, within Life itself. If my spirit cannot fid its satisfaction in the little pools of water I present it, I seek the boundless Ocean without shores, its God and Lord. I enclose my spirit in the narrow well of self-knowledge, but it takes flight out of it and rushes off into this immensity of its God, the only place where it can find satiety and breathe.

"Why are there in me, who am so weak, so small, so corrupt, why are there in my so miserable soul, these feelings: this thirst and this suffocating sensation in all that lacks grandeur and in all that is not God? If I am not capable of holding a tiny drop of water, why this desire to swallow this ocean? If I am but a dot in space, how is it possible, how does it come to my mind, to embrace eternal immensity?

"What is happening, Oh my God - I understand - is that this drop of water is lost in the ocean and the nothingness in the infinite. That is, it is not only God who enters into me, even when He penetrates and takes possession of my soul, it is also I who enter into Him. Rather, I am not worthy to enter and I stop at the door, but He takes me in His arms and brings me into these regions unknown to the material world. How rapidly my soul covers these distances! It knows, it sees, it hears, without seeing nor hearing. It finds itself brought together in one point, but in infinite and eternal point, a point of uncreated love. There only it breathes life, is fulfilled and happy, outside of time" (Diary, May 31, 1890).